Self-Isolation Diary: Day 8

Caught a homeless man wandering round the kitchen earlier. Turned out to be my reflection in the oven.

Maybe I’m not keeping this together after all.

Went for a shave but decided to keep the moustache. Why not? I can’t leave the house so might as well experiment with my face.

I looked ridiculous. But was keen to see how long it took my wife to notice.

Had a long conversation and maintained solid eye contact with her throughout.

Nothing.

Made her a brew and did a little Freddie Mercury dance with the hoover while the kettle boiled.

Silence.

Had a crack at some homeschooling or should I say, ‘scraped my child away from the iPad for ten minutes.’

Thought of the day: How much iPad is too much iPad? My son was taking a dump earlier and asked me to ‘like and subscribe’ to his channel.

I think that might be too much iPad.

Had another long chat with my wife while stroking my pubey moustache like a matinee villain.

Still zilch. That woman needs her eyes testing.

Had a Zoom call at 4pm so did the usual checks:

Make brew ✅ Nip to loo ✅ Close windows to avoid street noise ✅ Plug in laptop ✅ Push clothes off desk onto floor ✅ Remove cluster of dressing gowns from chair ✅ Replace Julia Donaldson with The Complete Works of Tolstoy in bookshelf behind me ✅ Check for bogeys / stuff in teeth ✅ Put pants back on ✅

Ready to rock!

Logged on full of confidence and then realised I still had the fucking moustache. Too late to shave and too early to blame Movember. I had to style it out.

Finished call and shaved off the rats tail straight away. Wife walked past the bathroom carrying some washing. As she passed the bathroom she casually commented under her breath ‘Glad you’re shaving that bloody thing off...’

She had noticed. She just chose not to mention it.

Because I’m a child.

I love that woman.

Back tomorrow...

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