Lonely Mouth Blog: Day 1

WHAT IS LONELY MOUTH? One month without snacks.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SNACKS? I don’t mean I’m swerving kumquats for a month. I’m talking about those hardcore, quick-fix, sugary, come-meet-me-at-a-cheap-motel-that-charges-by-the-hour snacks. Those horny trollops.

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS? Cos I’m filled with cake and self-loathing after eating like a Roman Emperor for the last two weeks.

ARE THERE ANY RULES? Yeah. Sorry.

WHY DO WE NEED RULES? Because rules turn a vague concept into a plan.

OKAY SO WHAT *ARE* THE RULES? If you want to play along, you should make up your own. We’re all different. But here’s mine:

1. For the month of January I will refrain from eating:

Biscuits Cake Sweets Chocolate Crisps Cheese*

2. I will not stress about weight loss. (Obviously I’d like to shed a few pounds but I’m doing this to FEEL better - brighter, calmer, have more energy)

3. I will be honest about my progress. (We may not agree if a Jaffa cake is a biscuit or cake but it’s most definitely a snack.)

4. I won’t be too hard on myself if I fall off. But I will get straight back on.

5. I won’t be posting comparison photos with my top off. (You don’t need to see my nipples. Trust me though, they’re spectacular.)

6. I will start tomorrow. HA! Still got shitloads of leftovers here. Tomorrow may be lonely mouth but tonight there’s a riot going down inside my pie hole.

*My cheese restriction applies only to ‘standing up cheese’. eg. When you’re making butties for the kids and you inhale half a slab of Red Leicester without blinking. Fucking hell, I love doing that. It’s my Achilles heel and it needs to stop. A bit of parmesan in meals is fine, as long as I don't start necking it from the packet.

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